The Lord of The Cuts: The Two Studios
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: The quest for the Snyder Cut continues. As Two of our heroes are joined by an unexpected ally


After rowing down the river for several hours the group finally made it to dry land.

Doctor Timothy: _We should definitely start camp here. It's gonna be a long walk to Warner Brothers so it's best we camp he-_

The Coon: Excuse me Doctor Timothy, who put you in charge?

Doctor Timothy: _Ok commander._

The Coon: Ok, I say we should definitely start camp here. It's gonna be a long walk to Warner Brothers so it's best-

Doctor Timothy: _That's what I was suggesting._

The Coon: Did I command you to interrupt me?

Doctor Timothy: _To be honest nobody voted you to be leader._

The Coon: Jason motherfucking Momoa did!

Toolshed: Wait, where's Kyle?

The Coon: Shut up Toolshed! Nobody cares about Khal!

Meanwhile.

Human Kite was out strolling the forest.

Fastpass was collecting firewood.

Fastpass: N-n-none of us should be out here alone.

Human Kite: But you're out here alone.

Fastpass: Until you show-show-showed up.

Human Kite: Throughout our journey I was thinking about what you said.

Fastpass: W-w-what did I say?

Human Kite: You were questioning wether people should see the Snyder cut. And asking would it be better if we had it too ourselves.

Fastpass: What do you th-th-think Kyle?

Human Kite: People should see it Jimmy.

Fastpass: Well that's your o-opinion. Personally I-I-I think p-p-pe-pe-p-everyone shouldn't see it. They'll h-h-have to tolerate Whedon's v-v-version.

Human Kite: Jimmy what's happened to you?

Fastpass: I w-w-want the cut to myself.

Fastpass suddenly tackles Human Kite.

Fastpass was trying to strangle Human Kite.

Fastpass: I-i-it's mine.

Human Kite kicks Fastpass off him.

Fastpass gets up off the ground.

Fastpass: Kyle? Kyle? K-K-Kyle I'm sorry!

Fastpass runs away.

Human Kite: What was that all about? Now, where's the camp?

Human Kite starts looking left and right.

Human Kite than walks to the right.

Human Kite continued to walk.

But as he continued to walk he starts to hear mysterious noises.

Including crows croaking, wolves howling and owls hooting.

Human Kite: What's an owl doing in the middle of the day?

Human Kite continued walking until he came across an army of Orcs.

Orc (Speaking Orcish): Hey!

Human Kite: Aww shit!

Orc (Speaking Orcish): Should we go after him?

Orc Leader (Speaking Orcish): Yes you fucking idiot!

Meanwhile.

The others were camping.

The Coon: Ok, what's with all this natural crap?!

Call Girl: It's good for the environment. You told me I had to cook.

The Coon: Well because I thought women were good at cooking.

Toolshed: I don't know. The natural stuff actually tastes better.

The Coon: Oh. There you go again Toolshed! Sucking up to your hoe!

Toolshed: How many times have I said this before Cartman?! Stop ripping on Wendy!

Fastpass shows up.

Tupperware: Hey Jimmy, have you seen Kyle?

Fastpass: L-l-listen guys. I-I-I have to warn you.

Mosquito: You mean about Wendy's cooking?

Call Girl slaps Mosquito on the back of the head.

Fastpass: N-n-no! Listen to me! I have accidentally called an army of o-o-o-o-o-

Mosquito: Ogres?

Toolshed: Octopi?

Fastpass: No! An army of o-o-o-o-o-o-

Tupperware: Oranges?

Doctor Timothy: _Otters?_

Fastpass: An army of o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Call Girl: Owls?

Mosquito: Bzz orcas?

Fastpass: No an army of Orcs!

Call Girl: Orcs?

Toolshed: What do you mean accidentally?!

Fastpass: I was under the Snyder c-c-c-cuts power.

Call Girl: What power?!

Fastpass: There's n-n-no time, we've got to rescue Kyle.

The Coon: Alright we'll rescue that stupid Jew. Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito you try and handle the Orcs.

Toolshed: On it.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito ran off to defeat some Orcs.

The Coon: Call Girl and Doctor Timothy you go and find Khal.

Doctor Timothy: _And what will you do "Fearless leader"._

The Coon: Keep an eye on this traitor.

Doctor Timothy: _Really?_

The Coon: Well he tried to stop our quest.

Doctor Timothy: _Fair point._

Doctor Timothy and Call Girl went off to find Human Kite.

Fastpass was about to follow them.

The Coon: And where do you think you're going traitor?!

Fastpass: E-E-E-E-Eric I have to make up f-f-f-for my actions. So l-l-let me help.

The Coon: No way Jimmy! And they'll be nothing you can do to trick me.

Fastpass stands still for a few moments.

Fastpass gasps.

Fastpass: O-o-o-oh my God!

The Coon: What?

Fastpass: H-h-h-hippies!

The Coon: Nice try Jimmy, I'm not fool-

The Coon starts to sniff the air for a second.

The Coon: Marijuana!

The Coon turns around.

The Coon: Hippies!

The Coon races off to attack the hippies.

Fastpass: W-w-well that worked.

Fastpass runs into the forest.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito were fighting off some Orcs.

Tupperware was pretending to blast the Orcs with lasers.

And the Orcs just fell.

Toolshed impales an Orc in the balls with his screwdriver.

Whilst Mosquito dowsed an Orc in honey and some bees came flying and started stinging it to death.

Mosquito: Bzz Ha Ha! Fuck you.

Toolshed uses a nail gun to shoot some of the Orcs in the head.

Toolshed: Yeah! I nailed you guys!

Meanwhile

Call Girl and Doctor Timothy were looking for Human Kite.

Call Girl was using her phone to try and track Human Kite's phone signal.

Doctor Timothy: _Find anything?_

Call Girl: Why can't you use your telepathy to find him?

Doctor Timothy: _I can't, something is blocking my power._

Call Girl: I can't get a sign of Human Kite's phone signal.

Doctor Timothy: _Look._

They notice a destroyed cellphone.

Call Girl: It looks like Kyle's.

Doctor Timothy: _Somebody must've destroyed it._

They suddenly hear some growls.

Suddenly, some Orcs jumped up on them.

An Orc knocked Doctor Timothy off his chair.

Whilst an Orc just held onto Call Girl.

Call Girl managed to punch the Orc off her.

Call Girl: No one can outmatch phone destroyer.

Call Girl uses her phones to activate Phone Destroyer.

Orc (Speaking Orcish): Good thing she doesn't know we don't have any phones.

Voice: Phone destroyer!

An Orc was electrocuted.

Orc (Speaking Orcish): Dammit Derick, I told you to not bring a phone.

Call Girl hits a couple of Orcs with her selfie stick.

But more Orcs approached.

Call Girl tried to hold them off.

But they kept surrounding her.

But Fastpass jumped out of nowhere.

Fastpass was using his crutches to hold them off.

Fastpass hits a few of them causing them to be knocked out.

Fastpass: Y-y-y-you wanna get n-n-nuts? Come on let's get nuts.

Suddenly an Orc grabbed Fastpass' crutches and Fastpass fell to the ground.

Fastpass: I guess y-y-you do wanna get nuts. And you're dicks!

The Orcs grabbed Call Girl and Doctor Timothy and started to carry them away.

Call Girl dropped her selfie stick and one of her phones.

Orc Leader (Speaking Orcish): The boss will be pleased.

Orc (Speaking Orcish): What about the crippled?

Orc Leader (Speaking Orcish): Leave him.

The Orcs left.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito approached Fastpass.

Toolshed notices Doctor Timothy's wheelchair and Call Girl's phone.

Toolshed: Oh no.

Toolshed approaches Fastpass.

Fastpass: T-t-they took the little ones.

Toolshed: I know. We'll rescue them.

Fastpass: I was r-r-referring to my crutches but ok.

Toolshed: We're not gonna leave you, we'll get you to a hospital and get you some new crutches.

Fastpass: Y-y-you might as well t-take me home. I know you might n-n-n-not want me to go home-

Toolshed: Jimmy, we're gonna find a bus to get you back to South Park.

Fastpass: O-ok. L-l-lead the team. My brother, my king.

Fastpass closes his eyes.

Mosquito starts crying into Tupperware's shoulders.

Fastpass: W-w-why are you crying?

Mosquito: I thought you died.

Fastpass: N-n-no I'm really tired.

Mosquito: Oh.

Fastpass closes his eyes again.

Meanwhile.

Human Kite was in a row boat about to sail away.

The Coon: Wait Khal!

Human Kite: What is it fatass?

The Coon: Where the fuck are you going?

Human Kite: We're not near Warner Brothers, we're near Dreamworks.

The Coon: Mickey lied to us!

Human Kite: I think so.

The Coon: Let me come with you Khal!

Human Kite sets off.

The Coon: Where are you going?

Human Kite: I'm sorry Cartman I'm afraid I can't. I think the cut is corrupting some people. It's making them think they wanna watch it for themselves. It affected Jimmy and he tried to kill me. I'm sorry Cartman. It's not because I hate you, it's because I'm trying-

Suddenly Human Kite felt the boat rumble and that's because The Coon was on the boat.

The Coon: Sorry I wasn't listening.

Human Kite: Get off the boat!

The Coon: Khal, I swam all the way to you and I'm too tired to swim back.

Human Kite: Well since you're on the boat, I have to get used to you.

The Coon: Yay!

Human Kite: But don't try and kill me!

The Coon: I won't you stupid Jew.

The Coon (Speaking in his thoughts): But I will have the cut to myself.

Meanwhile.

Toolshed was examining a phone Call Girl dropped.

While Mosquito and Tupperware were leaning by a tree.

Tupperware: This is what happens when you nominate Cartman leader.

Mosquito: Bzz I know.

Tupperware: How long have we been gone?

Mosquito: I think we've been gone for 6 days.

Tupperware: Shit, Nichole's probably worried about me.

Meanwhile.

Nichole was playing a board game with Heather Swanson.

Heather: I am gonna crush you!

Nichole: This is the 7th board game we've played this week and you've lost all of them.

Heather: Heather doesn't lose!

Back in the forest.

Tupperware: Why are you hypnotised by that phone Stan? How is this gonna help us?

Toolshed: Wendy was never stupid, I think she deliberately dropped this phone so we can track her.

Mosquito: Why is it taking long to activate it?

Toolshed: Because I don't feel like it. What do you think?!

Mosquito: You don't want to find Wendy?

Tupperware: No you idiot. Phones require passwords.

Toolshed turns the phone on and it was on the lock screen.

Tupperware: Does she expect you to know the password?

Toolshed: I don't know.

Toolshed just typed 1,2,3,4,5,6.

And the phone unlocked.

Toolshed: Well that is the most common password.

Mosquito: That's the exact combination somebody would have on their luggage.

Toolshed: Ok. I got a beep, to the North.

Epic montage starts.

Toolshed, Mosquito and Tupperware were trekking along the mountains.

They trekked along the forest and snowy landscapes.

The trekked past some crackheads sleeping in a forest.

7...Hours later.

Human Kite and The Coon were resting beside a rock mountain.

The Coon woke up.

The Coon approached Human Kite.

The Coon (Whispering): I'm sorry Khal, I have no choice.

The Coon had a knife and was about to stab Human Kite, but he noticed a skinny figure wearing a 300 T-shirt.

The Coon (Whispering): Zack Snyder?

Zack (Whispering): I am Zack Snyder. People deserve to see the cut. **No you stupid moron they don't.** Come on! I want the Snyder cut to be seen. **Snyder wants cut to be seen, but I don't.**

The Coon (Whispering): What the hell is wrong with you?

Zack: **My precious!**

Zack attacks The Coon.

Human Kite wakes up.

Human Kite: What the fuck?

The Coon was struggling to get Zack off of him.

Human Kite: Zack Snyder?

The Coon: Help me Khal!

Human Kite grabs Zack and ties a rope around his arms.

Human Kite was pulling on the rope like a leash.

Zack: **Ahh!**

Human Kite: What are you doing here Zack?

Zack: **I want to st-**I mean release the Snyder cut.

Human Kite: Why did you attack The Coon?

Zack: Because I thought Coon was giant bear.

The Coon: No Khal! That's bullshit!

Human Kite: I can believe that.

The Coon: Ay!

Human Kite: Do you wanna help us?

Zack: Yes, Zack wants to help. **Snyder knows way to Warner Brothers.**

Human Kite: Really?

Zack: Yes.

The Coon: He's probably lying Khal.

Zack: **All of Zack's films, except Dawn of The Dead, were distributed by Warner Brothers. So isn't it obvious that Snyder will know the way?**

Human Kite: Pretty much.

The Coon: We can't be trusting him Khal.

Human Kite: Well I sat through Batman V Superman and I trust him more than you.

The Coon: Dammit Khal!

Human Kite: We'll have to trust him.

The Coon sighed.

The Coon: Alright fine. If he betrays us, don't start crying to me.

Human Kite: Well he'll be tied to me, like a dog.

Zack: Yes, Zack will be awfully honoured to come with Kite Boy and Racoon Boy.

Human Kite: It's Human Kite.

The Coon: And The Coon.

Zack: Yes my masters.

Human Kite: Lets go.

The Coon: He's totally gonna betray us.

Meanwhile.

The Orcs that captured Call Girl and Doctor Timothy were camping.

Whilst Call Girl and Doctor Timothy were tied up.

Doctor Timothy: _You better be right about this Call Girl._

Call Girl: Trust me, Stan will find us.

Doctor Timothy: _He better. Or I swear to god I will put a mental image in his head of you banging Cartman._

Call Girl: You wouldn't.

Doctor Timothy: _I might._

Call Girl: Haven't you thought about raping the Orcs minds?

Doctor Timothy: _Tried it, but it didn't work. Something was blocking my power._

Suddenly the Orcs started fighting.

Call Girl: What's going on?

Doctor Timothy: _They must be fighting over something._

The Orcs were fighting over some meat.

Call Girl: So that's what they were fighting over.

The Orc Leader stopped the fight.

Orc Leader: We shouldn't be fighting over meat.

Orc 1: But that meat belonged to me!

Orc 2: How about we eat them?

The Orc Leader examines the meat further.

Orc Leader: This would be enough for the both of you. Don't you morons realise that the big head over there is using his telepathy to trick you?

Orc 1: Of course.

Doctor Timothy:_ I wasn't even using it._

Call Girl: Wait, he wasn't using it.

The Orc approached Doctor Timothy and placed a dagger to his neck.

Orc 2: Next time you try to manipulate me and my friend than I will cut your neck and turn you into meat.

Doctor Timothy: Timmy!

Suddenly they heard the sounds of horses galloping.

Call Girl: What is that?

A horse rode past and a sword decapitated the Orc.

Call Girl: What the fuck?

Suddenly the Orc camp was attacked by an army of knights on a horse.

Call Girl: They must be here to rescue us.

Call Girl than notices there was writing on one of the knights armour and it said "Satan's Knights".

Call Girl: Oh.

Call Girl quickly united herself and picked up Doctor Timothy and left the camp.

Call Girl was escaping whilst carrying Doctor Timothy, but a Knight on horseback was approaching them.

The next day.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito make it to the remain of the camps.

There were bodies of Orcs and knights.

Tupperware: Wow. This must've been one crazy party.

Mosquito: Find anything?

Toolshed stares at the phone and follows the beeping.

Toolshed realises where the phone was leading him.

To a pile of bodies.

Toolshed: Oh shit! Shit! Shit!

Toolshed starts trying to lift the corpses.

Toolshed: Help me out here guys.

Tupperware and Mosquito start helping Toolshed.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito move a few bodies.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito all of a sudden found Towelie.

Toolshed: Towelie?

Towelie woke up.

Towelie: Oh hey Stan. How did I end up sleeping in a pile of corpses?

Toolshed: How did you?

Towelie: Hold on.

Towelie lights a joint and than smokes it.

Towelie: Ok. I was walking minding my own business until an army of Orcs captured me somewhere near Dreamworks and I've been used as a means to dry the Orcs ever since.

Toolshed: Dreamworks?

Tupperware: So this isn't Warner Brothers?

Towelie: Apparently not. Who told you this was Warner Brothers?

Toolshed: Mickey Mouse.

Towelie: That Chinese dealing mother fucker. I'm off, good luck with your...whatever the fuck you're doing.

Toolshed: Ok thanks.

The group continues to remove more corpses, until they found the phone that Toolshed was tracking.

Toolshed: No no no no no.

Tupperware: She might be alive. I mean, it's just her phone.

Toolshed: No!

Toolshed kicks a helmet that was near him.

Than Toolshed dropped to his knees and screamed.

Mosquito: I'm so sorry Toolshed that she might be dead.

Toolshed: No. I think I broke my fucking toes.

Tupperware: But she might be ok.

Toolshed: But, she might be dead.

Toolshed starts tearing up.

Toolshed: I could've saved her.

Tupperware approaches Toolshed.

Tupperware: Hey buddy, cheer up. This is gonna hurt a lot.

Toolshed: Huh?

Suddenly there was a crack and Toolshed screamed.

Tupperware: Don't worry, your toes are just dislocated.

Toolshed: Thanks Tu-

Suddenly there was another crack and Toolshed screamed again.

Meanwhile.

Human Kite, The Coon and Zack were trekking along the mountains.

They came across a sign that said Warner Brothers.

Human Kite: This is the way. Come on.

Zack: **Wait.**

The Coon: Great, how are you gonna betray us?

Zack: **There's another way, a shortcut.**

Human Kite: And where's the shortcut?

Zack: **We're gonna cut through Nickelodeon studios.**

The Coon: Knew you were gonna betray us.

Human Kite: What's wrong with Nickelodeon studios?

The Coon: Nickelodeon are well known for their crappy sit coms. Every time somebody says something there's always a laugh track.

Human Kite: Why do they laugh at everything?

The Coon: I have no idea. Like in The Thundermans the line "I heard somebody needed a mentor" was apparently warrant of a laugh track.

Human Kite: A line so simple?

The Coon: Yeah!

Human Kite: I don't know Zack. I think taking the long way seems more appropriate.

Zack: But that path leads to Amy Schumer's mansion.

Human Kite: Ok, we're going the Nickelodeon route.

They go down the path that led to Nickelodeon.

Meanwhile.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito were beside the corpses.

Toolshed was scared about the fact that Call Girl might be dead.

Tupperware: Hey dude, we're so sorry.

Toolshed didn't say anything.

Mosquito: Bzz come on dude. Look on the bright side, at least you can go to Raisins without feeling guilty.

Toolshed: She can't be dead. I know she isn't. Where's her clothing?

Mosquito: It could've burnt.

Toolshed: Shit that's a possibility.

Toolshed goes back to groaning.

Mosquito: 5 bucks says he goes back to goth again?

Tupperware: (Sigh) You're on.

Suddenly Toolshed's phone started ringing.

Toolshed sees who's ringing him.

Toolshed: Oh my God!

Tupperware: Although Clyde, how are you so sure that Wendy is dead?

Mosquito: A hunch Token.

Toolshed answers it.

Toolshed: Hello.

Tupperware: 5 bucks says Wendy is alive?

Mosquitoes: Alright fine.

Toolshed: Wendy?! She's alive guys!

Tupperware: Looks like someone owes me.

Mosquito: I don't really have 5 bucks.

Tupperware: Than why did you accept the bet?

Toolshed started tearing up.

Toolshed: You're alive?...I thought you might've been dead...We're at the Orc camp...Where are you?...North? You want us to travel North?...Alright Wendy, me and the guys are coming, stay there for me and I'll find you.

Toolshed hangs up.

Toolshed: Come on gang. We're going North.

As Toolshed started running with excitement, he accidentally kicked another helmet.

Toolshed dropped to his knees and screamed.

Toolshed: I think I broke them again!

Meanwhile.

The Coon, Human Kite and Zack Snyder make it to Nickelodeon.

Zack: Once we go through Nickelodeon, we'll only be three hours away from Warner Brothers.

The Coon: Well we better be. Because if I get covered in Nickelodeon slime I'm out of here.

They sneak through Nickelodeon studios.

They see posters for Henry Danger and The Thundermans.

Zack: We're only nine minutes away fro- What's that smell?

Human Kite notices The Coon pissing on the posters.

Human Kite: Coon!

The Coon: What?! The shows suck!

They suddenly heard a laugh track.

Zack: What was that?

Laugh track.

The Coon: It's a laugh track.

Laugh track.

Human Kite: That's annoying.

Laugh track.

The Coon: That's not funny you fucking retards!

Laugh track.

Human Kite: I don't think they're laughing at us. I think they're-

Laugh track.

Human Kite: Laughing at them.

They notice a set.

When they investigate the set further they realise it is the set of Henry Danger.

The Coon: Shit it's the set of Henry Danger, the worst superhero sit com ever made.

Human Kite: Is that becoming a genre?

The Coon: Well Nickelodeon are a fan of mixing the two, so probably.

They notice the actors playing Henry Danger and Captain Man show up on set.

Captain Man: Another fine day of fighting crime and returning to the Man Cave.

Coon suddenly laughed out loud.

The Coon: He said man cave.

Dan Schneider: Hey. I heard laughing.

The Coon: Oh shit!

Human Kite: Nice going fat ass.

The Coon: Don't you mean, nice going Jew ass.

The Coon knocked out Human Kite.

The Coon: Now you can suffer.

The Coon starts pulling Zack away.

Zack: What are you doing to Zack?

The Coon: You're taking me to Warner Brothers, so I can have the cut to myself.

The Coon covers Human Kite in Nickelodeon slime, before he and Zack made their leave.

The guards approached Human Kite.

Guard 1: Won't you look at that.

Guard 2: What do we do with him?

Guard 1: What we always do to people who sneak in. We make them watch us film our sit coms.

Meanwhile.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito were walking up the mountains.

Tupperware: How do we know if she's here Stan?

Toolshed: She told me to go North.

Mosquito: Yeah. But she didn't say how long.

Toolshed: We just gotta keep going until we find her.

Tupperware: But why North? Why not a specific location?

Toolshed: I don't know Token. I know Wendy, but she is an unpredictable person. I don't know where she's taking us myself, but it could be something important. I don't know, where is she taking us?

Tupperware looks over Stan.

Tupperware: Why don't you ask her yourself?

Toolshed stares at Tupperware with confusion until he turns around and sees Call Girl.

Call Girl smiles at Toolshed.

Toolshed starts running towards Call Girl.

Call Girl starts doing the same thing.

They continue running, until...

Toolshed kicks another helmet.

Toolshed screams and drops to his knees.

Toolshed: Fuck!

Call Girl: Stan. Are you ok?

Toolshed: Ow! Not again.

Tupperware and Mosquito approach the two.

Tupperware: Are you ok?

Call Girl: Yeah I'm fine.

Voice: She's not the only one.

Toolshed, Tupperware and Mosquito look at the direction where the voice came from and the voice belonged to Mysterion.

Toolshed: Kenny?

Mysterion: It's a long story.

Flashback showing Mysterion falling and than being impaled by a spike.

Mysterion: Very long.


End file.
